Happy Birthday

Thanks to everyone who already wrote to wish me a happy birthday! Today's the day. I'm at work but only until noon - then it's off to lunch and party party party!!

whooo hoooooo 40 years old - This is the longest I have ever done anything!

It's also the last day of NaBloPoMo THANK CHRIST

Here We Go....

The final 24 hours of my thirties. I know I probably have something profound to say here - instead I've got some random thoughts:

I know it's bad for me, but I love having a coke first thing in the morning. I don't drink coffee - so I use that as an excuse

If you say you don't have at least one Hall and Oates song on your ipod or mp3 player you are probably lying (I have many)

I would get digital cable if they would put Buffy or Angel (or both) back on the air

Even though I act like it doesn't bother me - when someone says "Christ, anyone can do that" about abstract art work I want to tear there heads off. Literally and figuratively

I am really really nervous about getting into graduate school

Men who I would give everything up for: Trent Reznor, Josh Homme, Dave Grohl and possibly Bruce Springsteen back in the Born To Run days.


Music people that I miss: Layne Staley, Michael Hutchence, Shannon Hoon, Mark Heard (look him up), Kurt Cobain, Robbie Robertson

Bands that I miss: Whiskeytown, Lone Justice, Nirvana, The Breeders, Elastica, The Band and the ORGINAL Crowded House.

It took until we were both in our 30's for my sister and I to honestly say that we liked each other. Sometimes it's still hard - for both of us

The song The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald always makes me tear up

I have the worst romantic record and I'm working really hard to change that

For the first time every I feel like I have a clear path - now I just have to concentrate on the path and not on the fact that I "wasted" so much time getting here.

I have a very serious and a very real fear of commitment. About 24 hours after I bought this condo I was physically ill for 2 days thinking about not having the option to move as freely as I always have

I have a great life, great friends and a fabulous family. Work is just work and I'm not factoring it in until I'm done with school and working in the job I want

I'm nervous that now that I've been alone for as long as I have that I'm not going to be able to share things with a partner.

I am excellent at being able to get people to tell me everything about themselves and then escaping the conversation before I have to tell them too much about myself.

Speaking of that - I think this is enough of this bullshit.

Yes Indeed

Yes indeed...two more days.

Maybe more later but I doubt it - if yesterday was hell today is the 7th circle of hell....what a great place to work.

Yes!

This is why I love this man










You are right Trent...sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and get on with things. That boys and girls is today's lesson...

Mood

I am in a shitty shitty mood. I very rarely blog about work - but today I have too. I'm a HR Manager - and a pretty damn good one I think. I work hard (for the most part) and I would say a good 90% of the people here like me and feel comfortable with me.



That's a good percentage for a HR person seeing as how we are usually the most hated person in the building.

Anyway..My boss is the CFO of the company - and we have a new one. Now admittedly it took me a long time to get over my last boss leaving. He was just quite simply the best boss I had ever ever had. He had tremendous people skills and above average business acumen and was just an all around great guy. To say I was devastated when he left would be a slight understatement. But that was last February and I got over it.

Now we have this new guy. Lousy listener and wants to be a "hands off manager". Has already told me he hates to have "difficult" discussions with people. What. The. Fuck???? You are a god damn member of senior management and you are making a hell of a lot more money than me - it is your obligation to have the difficult conversations and to at least act interested when one of your staff are talking to you. It's not OK to check your phone or to continue to look around the room like you have somewhere else to be DUMBASS.

Tomorrow we have a staff meeting. He wants us to go around the room and update on "projects". I have no fucking idea what he is talking about. I have no projects - I come in here and do my job and handle whatever employee bullshit is handed to me. He wants me to do some sort of flow chart on retention. Guess what buddy - WE DON'T HAVE A RETENTION PROBLEM. Our other plant does - so talk to them.

The bottom line is - I have to get out of here. This just isn't going to work for me not anymore. Yeah the four day workweek is nice - but in the end I don't think it's worth it.

I need a contract HR job that I can keep until I go to grad school. Or I need a job in the mental health field that I can keep while I'm in grad school - those are my options.

Excuse me while I go look on Monster, Careerbuilders and Hotjobs.

Nothing....

Sorry guys - I'm worn out and have nothing to give to the blog today. The stress from my thesis is actually making me feel like my head might cave in and I'm seriously having trouble breathing...(just from stress).

Here is my list

1. Thesis 1st draft due by Dec 6th
2. Watercolor exercises for class due by 12/21
3. Frame watercolors for exhibit to be hung 1/2/08
4. Watercolor paper due 1/1/08
5. Finish 4 grad school applications


6. Write 4 different grad school essays or personal statements
7. Take the Miller's Analogies on 12/15
8. Go to graduate info thingy at Simmons on 12/8
9. Plan the fucking company christmas party
10. Keep the new boss happy (notice that's at the bottom)
11. Find a new job
12. Turn 40 on Friday - 4 more days
13. Get my hair cut/colored before I turn 40 on Friday.

Soldiers & The Holidays

Last night I watched The Ground Truth. This is a documentary that talks to 6 men and women about their service in Iraq. It'll break your heart. The stories are so different but in the end the same.





I highly recommend this movie to everyone. It doesn't matter if you are for the war or against the war - there is something to be learned for everyone.

One of the most unbelievable parts is when one of the men who has lost his hand is asked but someone how he lost it. He answers "the war" and the person asking says "what war" and the soldiers answers patiently "the war in Iraq". The other person then asks him "Oh that is still going on?" How is it that we have reached this level of apathy? It's disturbing and disgusting.

While I was on the The Ground Truth website I came across a website called anysoldier.com. This is way for people to be involved directly with the troops. You can send as little as a postcard or as much as a care package. There are pretty specific directions but I think making a soldiers days is worth a little reading. Don't you?

Oh - and this is important. Any of you have received that email about sending cards to "A Recovering American Soldier" should know that it's not a valid message. According the Dept. of Defense Walter Reed cannot accept any mail that isn't addressed to a particular person. Go the website above and send them something!

Lastly - my friend Tyler has posted this very moving video. Take 5 minutes to watch it.

Speaking of...
more days!!

Domesticity

I am domestically disabled and I have absolutely no problem with it. My future husband, whoever he is, better be ready for it cause it ain't changing. I have someone clean my one bedroom condo every other week and cooking is somewhat of a foreign language one that I don't see myself learning any time soon.That being said- I do know how to cook. But I am a follow the directions kind of cook not one of those cooks who intuitively know what to throw into the mix to make it all taste great. I have tried that when I'm feeling brave - it's had mixed results.

Now today for some reason - I woke up with the urge to make soup. Split pea soup to be exact. So when this urge hits I go with it - because if I ignore it it goes away very very quickly..

So I hauled my ass to the grocery store for the second time in two days and got all of the ingredients (ham hocks YUCK) and put the soup together. It's amazingly easy and it tastes damn good if I do say so myself. Once you can get past the look of the soup you can enjoy it.

Now all I have to clean up which is the part that I hate the most. This is when I wish I had a kitchen boy to clean up for me. I think that this one will do nicely...













Say it with me people 6 more days....

Friends

I love my friend Kim but she is, as we say, Queen of the Harpies. I can stop at her house for a minute and before I know it it's 5 hours later and she has practically convinced me to stay overnight. The best thing is that it's not like we are doing any big kind of project. We are usually just sitting around, having a meal, playing with her daughter Lucy or watching TV. It's the kind of friendship that you can say anything or say nothing at all and it's comfortable. I love it and it's the type of friendship that everyone should have. Kim is also my art teacher (that's how we met)and she has been instrumental in my art growth and also in growing my confidence. She's simply fabulous.

I have this other friend Maria - we've known each other a very very long time. We met because I was hired to fill in the position she was vacating at a restaurant we both worked at. We hit it off instantly and have been close ever since. We lived near each other for quite a few years and partied our brains out together. Many a drunken night was spent at The Blue Mermaid dancing away with Maria. When we look back on it now we laugh at how we were living. I've also traveled a bit with Maria and having a friend that you can travel with is KEY. We've been to New Orleans and to New Mexico. Those are the two that stick out but I'm sure that there are more.

Maria has been instrumental in my going back to school to get my degree. She did the same thing at 40. She enrolled in school and started from the very beginning as a non-traditional matriculating student at Plymouth State in New Hampshire she then went on and got her Masters and has now enrolled in a program to get her PHD and I couldn't be prouder of her. I used to give her a really hard time about how much time school was taking up in her life - and now I totally get it. When I need to cry on someones shoulder about school I can always call Maria because it goes beyond sympathy - she has actually been there done that and that's really helpful. She is an amazing friend and I probably don't say thank you nearly enough.

I've been lucky enough to make several new friends through school one of them being my professor. Amy has believed in my intelligence from the very beginning. She was my advisor for my first semester and if I had had another professor I'm not sure I would have made it - it was a rough, rough semester. She was amazingly directed and helped me to reign it all back in and get it on paper. She is now the advisor for my thesis and is doing the same thing. We've been able to connect on a level that is beyond teacher student because of our ages - and it's been great.

I'm lucky to have great friends and I mean really GREAT friends - and I just want them to know that I think they are all spectacular.

Yes, yes I know 7 more days....

Thursday Morning & Giving Thanks

I woke up this morning with a sinus headache and what feels like the beginning of a cold- NO NO NO I cannot be sick this weekend. I have far too much to do. My first draft of my thesis is due in full on December 6th and it's not like I have unlimited time between now and then.

Tyler - if you are reading this is why I didn't call last night.

So my mom is recovering quickly but she still has to stay at home. She is not a stay at home person and being stuck in the house is killing her. A result of this is that she has become overly interested in my education. All of sudden she wants to know why I'm not getting a MBA. Are you kidding me? Could a Masters in Social Work and a Masters in Business Administration be any different? I have absolutely zero interest in anything business related right now. I"m going to talk to her today and ask her to find another pet project. I know she loves me and everything and she is just looking out for my best interests - but I don't need another thing to think about.

So on with the Thanksgiving List-

1. I really am grateful for all of my relatives: sister, mom, dad, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, outlaws you name it they are all great people. I mean it's not as if we don't have our issues - but our issues are what make us pretty god damn funny. We are Irish, loud and love to party. What more could you ask for.

2. My friend Elise and her boys. I am so lucky to have met this family. They have given me something in my life that I didn't even know was missing. I know that Elise thinks that she's lucky to have people that come over and help, but really we're lucky that she shares her life and her kids with us.

3. My friends. I have absolutely fabulous friends. All ages, sizes, colors etc. The one thing they all have in common is that they are all intelligent people - that and of course that they like me.

4. My job - I'm not happy with it right now but because of this job I have a new used car and a great condo.

5. My brain - I'm grateful that is still works after all the shit that I've done to it over the years.

That's the short list of things - I'm sure I'll come up with more later. I have to go get ready we are having Thanksgiving Brunch. I know I know what the fuck is that? I don't ask questions I just show up at the place and time with whatever the tell me to bring. This year the only thing I'm bringing is my laundry.

Have a good day everyone!

Oh yeah 8 more days
See how I slipped in that NASCAR reference when you weren't looking??

9 More days

Yeah - I got the same call this morning from my sister. Only luckily I was out of my office so she had to yell into the phone...so much better.

OK so today 9 more days takes on a whole new meaning. 9 more days until I'm 40 and 9 more days until this fucking NaBloPoMo is over. As it says in the labels NaBloPoMo is killing me.

It's 4:54 and I'm outta here - a nice long weekend of...SCHOOLWORK. Isn't my life unbelievably exciting? Eeessshhhhh.

I am going to meet a few friends for a drink and then heading over to my friends Kim's house to hang out.

Tomorrow I'll do my thankful list. Thanks to everyone who sent me what they are thankful for. If you want to check out a great list of things to be thankful for go visit ADW.

The Final Countdown

My sister called me this morning and screamed into the phone 10 MORE DAYS. It seems that she is more excited about me turning 40 than I am about it. Of course for her it's just another thing to give me a hard time about (love you Aimee).

I had the BEST thing told to me yesterday. I've written about the two boys that I take care of a couple times a week. Jamie is 16 and John is 14. Both non-verbal but they have great comprehension. I love them both - but John has quickly become my favorite. He is just the best kid and so much fun. We sit and watch Nascar together on Sunday's and just generally have a good time. So yesterday in school the teachers were going over Thanksgiving and what being thankful means yadda yadda yadda. So they went around the room and asked everyone what they were thankful for. When they got to John he gave the sign for Jenn. Luckily one of the aids knows John's sign language really well and knew what he was saying. His mother called me last night to tell me - I seriously almost started to cry. No really, I did.

So even though it's early in the week. What are you all thankful for?

Mike Lowell

I'm a happy, happy, happy girl!! The Red Sox signed Mike Lowell to a 3 year 37.5 Million deal. Read about it here.

Thank you Theo - you did the right thing. I am most certain you will not regret it.

Trogdor

I can't believe I've never posted this here before. Take the 3 minutes or so and watch. It's freakin hysterical. I love Strongbad but this is by far the best one.

Unexpected Call = Unexpected Hangover

I worked on my thesis all afternoon yesterday. And because of that I now feel pretty confident that I could file a claim with the VA successfully. The amount of paperwork that is expected is ridiculous. The fact that we expect men and women who have come back from war physically or emotionally damaged to manage this situation is unbelievable.

So I had just taken a break and was visiting with my niece when my cell rang. A friend of mine greets me with "Vinny is in town - want to come over and get really fucked up?" Now how could I say no to that? I never see Vinny and he's a funny bastard - I always have a great time.

So I head over there - by 10pm I'm trashed. I started drinking Vodka and when I ran out of that I moved right on to the red wine really REALLY bad idea.

My niece had left so I was there without a car - which means obviously there for the night. My friends had just gotten a new 65 inch flat screen. We were playing music videos - Tommy Shondell, The Band, Elvis, Bee Gees and Bruce Springsteen and dancing our asses off. I had no idea how much I needed to let off that steam.

Well when I opened my eyes this morning...I was a hurting puppy. Headache - upset stomach the works. The best thing is the Vinny and Pat were in just as bad shape. I made them drive me home and I was thinking I hope no one sees me getting out of this truck with the two of them - we all looked like we had been holed up for 48 hours doing god knows what.

I showered quickly (or as quickly as I could) and headed over to take care of my boys. Luckily they were complete angels - I was starting to feel better too so everything was looking up.

I came home and made the mistake of sitting down and it all washed over me again. I am now eating the great American hang over meal. McDonald's cheeseburger, fries and a coke. Right now it's just sitting like a big lump in the pit of my stomach. My next stop is the couch - wrapped in my Pendelton Indian blanket. I'm going to finish watching the race (nap actually) and then watch the Pat's at 8:15.

Last night was so totally worth the hangover - I haven't had that much fun in a while. School has totally taken the fun quota out of my life.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I only have a three day workweek this week, yayyyyyyy!

Ladies go here, you won't be disappointed in this optical illusion.

Decisions Made

So I had given myself until yesterday to make a decision about my school/work/loan situation. I have decided to not take the loan - the interest rate was too high - it was a variable rate and with the market the way it is who knows what the rate would have been when it was finally time to pay this back. The other factor was it was taking forever - so by the time I gave my notice December would have been over anyway. That was the really important month.

I do however have to do something about my job. Ironically enough I was contacted last week by an agency looking to place me in a benefits administrator job. I spoke to the woman and it looks very promising. What I want is 3-4 days a week on a contract position. I'm looking at MSW programs and one of them that I like alot starts in June. I can't change jobs now and then have to quite in 6 months. I could have done that in my 20's but as we all know I'm about to be 40 - so I'm a bit more responsible now.

I've done all the legwork and got a message from the woman at the agency. The client will be looking at my resume on Monday and I'm hoping they will want to see my next week. If I could go in on Monday 11/26 and give my notice - it would be the best birthday present ever. We'll see - keep your fingers crossed for me OK?

It's a typical fall into winter day here in New England. I love this time of year. I love that it gets dark so early and I love the chill in the air even when the sun in out. Call me strange - it's just my favorite. Right now I'm sitting at my desk wrapped in my Pendelton Indian blanket working on my thesis. I feel like I'm getting lots done.

Have a good afternoon everyone...

Mike Lowell & Other Things

So this is the latest I have posted for NaBloPoMo - but I said I was going to do it and dammit I am.

It was strange day. I haven't been at work due to my mom's surgery since last Wednesday. So today I arrive at work (10 minutes late of course) and just as I'm plugging in my computer all of the power goes out. I wait a second and it's clear it's not coming back on. I mosey on out to the plant and it's all dark too. Now the fun thing here is that my office is the only one without any outside windows. So my office was pitch black.
I soon find out a transformer on a telephone pole behind us blew up and power is not expected to be back on until 3-4pm. So I do what I can and then head out. I was taking a half day anyway - so I left at noon. I had all these great plans for getting school work done and well it's around 10:45pm and I'm just getting home...I won't get into that.


I'm thinking that the Red Sox are not going to sign Mike Lowell. I know Theo usually makes the right decision but I can't help but think signing Mike is the right decision. According to the announcers during the Celtics game - we should know something this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

When I Came Home

I just watched When I Came Home which is a documentary about homeless war veterans. The major story is the Iraq vets but they also speak about Vietnam. It's heartbreaking to watch a man who fought for our country do everything he can just to get a roof over his families head.

The hardest moment of the film is when he looks at the camera and says "I didn't fail my country, my country failed me." Because we did and we are. We are failing these men and women who come home physically and mentally wounded - we leave then to fend for themselves. It's just not right.

Go to the website and buy the DVD - when you do $5 will be donated to one of the groups on the list. It's really the least we can do.

I cried pretty much through the whole thing - I have NO idea how I'm going to get up and do a 45 minute talk on this stuff in March. I doubt I'll be able to keep it together.

Paul Rieckhoff who wrote the book Chasing Ghosts that you see in the side banner was also featured. He is the founder of the largest Iraq/Afghanistan Veteran group in the country. Go to their website and check out what they are doing.

"The one thing that was keeping me motivated was the thought that I was going to come home to everthing."
-PFC Herold Noel
US Army
Iraq War Veteran

Presents

Got my first 40th birthday present in the mail today from my good friend Maria. She got me a beautiful Native American vase and Native American ornament. I love them both (the thank you note is in the mail!). We've been to New Mexico together and she knows I love Native American things.


I'm starting to get excited for my birthday but am having one small issue.

People keep saying "so what are we doing for birthday"?? How do I get it through their heads I don't want to plan it!

It's my birthday - I want someone else to do the planning for once. I want to be surprised and most of all I want to be taken care of.

I was chatting with a blog friend last night and gave him the advice that he needed to find someone to take care of him instead of always taking care of other people. That's what I feel like now. My job - my 2nd job and my tiny little personal life all seem to circle around taking care of people. I'm only asking for one night or maybe the weekend - I don't think it's too much to ask.

Do you? Am I being silly? Please tell me if you think I am.

When Bad Videos Happen To Good Songs

The 80's were a funky time for music. MTV was actually playing videos and record companies where trying to figure out how to best use this medium to their benefit. Some bands like Duran Duran figured it out quick. Their Hungry Like The Wolf video was groundbreaking (for that time frame). Vibrant colors. exotic women and a wrestling match with Simon. I was a sophomore in high school and I remember being completely transfixed. These guys were gorgeous, sexy and now we got to see them too? I begged my parents for cable and was transfixed every day after school.

Now there were some rock and roll stars that were unbelievably talented but maybe didn't fit the rock and roll mold so much. Mark Knopfler was one of these guys. His guitar playing and lyrics are some of the greatest you'll ever hear.

So why in the world would he allow this video to be made? Romeo and Juliet is a masterpiece in my opinion. So why Mark? Why????? Talk about bad management decisions.



Just for fun I've included the lyrics. For those of you who can't make it through the video (it's that bad)

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
he's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
you shoudn't come around here singing up at people like that
anyway what you gonna do about it?

juliet the dice were loaded from the start
and i bet and you exploded in my heart
and i forget i forget the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

come up on different streets they both were streets of shame
both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as i was just another one of your deals?

when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
now you just say oh romeo yeah you know i used to have a scene with him

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

i can't do the talk like they talking on the tv
and i can't do a love song like the way its meant to be
i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you
i can't do anything except be in love with you

and all i do is miss you and the way we used to be
all i do is keep the beat and bad company
all i do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
julie i'd do the stars with you any time

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

And just for some more fun....

Tuesday

So I don't have much to offer today. I was going through some of the blogs that I read and I came across this. I thought it was hysterical....

Thesis Meeting & Answers

First of all meeting went well. I have the first two chapters of my thesis done. This is the Intro and the History of the VA. Now I get into explanation of current disability/benefit structure, the "big" problems, Current VA experiences (with interviews with soldiers), what is being done and my conclusion. I feel like I'm finally on a bit of a roll.

So anyway last week I said that I'd answer any questions people wanted to know. I got a few so here we go.

Are you divorced?
Not divorced (never married)

Do you have kids?
I don't want to have my own kids but I'm not opposed to step-mommyhood

Who's is the love of your life?
Jesus - I can't answer that what if he reads this?

What makes you tick?
Passion and humor - two very important things

What do you live for?
I live to make a difference - not to sound all left wingy on you but knowing I've helped people out and made a difference in their life makes my day. I don't want anything for it - I just like knowing it.

What is the meaning of your life?
I really believe I'm here to help...hence the career with Veterans

What is the most important 5 things in your life?
1. My family (all of them even the pain in the asses)
2. My friends
3. My boys (2 handicapped boys I take care of)
4. Being able to paint on a regular basis
5. My schoolwork

My GOD is my life boring or what?


What would you die for?
I would die for my family and my boys


Do you believe in God?
Yes


Which God?
It depends - sometimes when I'm out in the woods and I'm just listening I swear I can hear the Great Spirit out there with me. When I'm at a funeral my faith in Jesus (from my Catholic upbringing) comes screaming out. I talk to God every night - I don't usually think about what shape he or she is in.

How old do you want to be when you die?
Young enough to have all my faculties and old enough to have made a difference


How do you want to die?
Quietly and peacefully surrounded by people who love me, just like my grandmother.

How do you feel about turning 40?
I am ALL GOOD with turning 40, I really am. I feel like my life is finally on track. I look good, feel good and will be a certified college graduate in 4 months. It's all good to me.

When are we getting married?
Sorry sweetie - I can't make any commitments until I'm done with my Master's Degree. That's another two years away. Don't wait for me...find "her" and be happy.


18 days BABY

Thesis Meeting

I am off to two meetings. First with my advisor and then with my thesis group. I will either be elated or crushed when I come home this evening.

Either way I will be answering the questions you guys sent to me.

Have a good day.

Veterans

"Thank you for your service" seems like such a small thing to say. Kind of like the "I'm sorry" that's doled out at a wake or funeral. Recently I came across the statement "Yeah it's great that everyone has yellow ribbons on their trees and on their cars, but I can't see those from Iraq." It broke my heart. And as I sit here working on my thesis and being bombarded by facts like 20 million gallons of agent orange were used in Vietnam I start to get really pissed off once again.

I don't have the answers - I don't pretend to. But I don't think asking that we take care of the people who we send to war is too much. We are losing a generation of young people to this war - and I'm not just talking about the ones who are killed in action.


So to the Veterans of Iraq and past wars I say Thank you for your service because I don't know what else to say.

Hard Life??

We all have tough days. We'll complain about how hard the day was, the week was or just how hard life is. I cringe when I hear people say things like "life sucks then you die". I don't believe that - not for a minute. I have a lot of things to be grateful for. One of the most obvious is that I'm alive and living this life - it may not be what I thought it would be but that's OK I get up every morning and put my two feet on the floor and most days give it my best shot.

Other things I have to be grateful for:
- loving parents
- fabulous extended family
- tremendous friends
- good job
- own my own place
- bought a new used car

I could go on but I won't. I'm pretty damn lucky and sometimes it takes reading something like this to remember just how lucky I am.

If there is a heaven - this woman is going there. If sainthood is a real option - she should be up for it. People's capacity for love is amazing. We should all try to live up to that capacity.

One of the journal exercises that I used to do is to write down three things that I am grateful for before I go to sleep. It really makes you stop and think. Not only about your day - but about your life and the people in your life. I'm thinking I may go back to doing that.

Rock & Roll part 2

I can't believe I forgot this guy:

He is a very close second to Trent Reznor. Long hair - short hair
beard - clean shaven... I don't care I just love him.

Rock And Roll Boys

I love rock and roll boys...here are a few of my absolute favorites:

My absolute love for Trent Reznor is well known by now..



This video is weird and creepy...I like it.
Josh Homme - the singer is a sexy bastard


And here's an oldie - Jimmy Page and Paul Rodgers on the same stage.....yummy
Take a look at who the bartender is at the beginning - hint - he makes guitars.



I love how Layne kind of looks like the devil in this video...I miss him


Thank you for the bathroom scene Mr. Kravitz the post-dread you ROCKS


This is the sexiest video of all time..it wouldn't let me embed it.

Stymied

Maybe it's NaBloPoMo or maybe it's the fact that I've got a thesis meeting on Monday and don't have enough done for it yet or maybe it's just the fact that I don't seem to be able to wake up today but I'm at a loss as to what to write about.

Stymie

Main Entry:
Pronunciation: \ˈstī-mē\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): sty·mied; sty·mie·ing
Etymology: Scots stimie, stymie to obstruct a golf shot by interposition of the opponent's ball
Date: 1902

to present an obstacle to : stand in the way of


So I'm going to steal an idea from Shrek's Mom and throw it back out to the readers out there. What is it that you want to know about me. You know I that I'm single, in school, an artist, an HR Manager, love art and music and hate Rhode Island drivers. Is there anything else that my loyal 3 or 4 readers would like to know?

I need some caffeine that's for sure.

Here is something fun go to this website. You'll come up with a blank page but just hit your mouse and before you know it you are creating like Jackson Pollock. Every time you hit your mouse it changes the color of the "paint"

So today is November 9th - I officially only have 3 more weeks in my 30's. I'm completely ok with that - I'm done with my 30's. After all someone told me that 40 is the new 20.

Staying Alone

When I was younger I hated to sleep anywhere alone. Now I don't mean alone in my bed (although that sucks sometimes too) I just mean alone in the house. I would go to great lengths to make sure I was in household or apartment where there was at least one other person there overnight. If I tried to stay alone I would get so freaked out I usually ended up sleeping on the couch with the light and tv on. This lasted well into my 20's - which was fine because depending on the year I was living with anywhere from 2-5 people (god was that fun).

Obviously I'm over it because I live alone - although I'm not sure I'd call living in a building with 29 other condo's really living "alone". It was always being alone in a freestanding house that really got to me. I was realizing last night that there was absolutely no problem with me locking up my aunt's house and going up to bed. I shut of the tv/light and fell right to sleep without any issue.

Now I dog sit at a home that is first of all huge and second of all at the top of a small hill with no neighbors. It's the kind of place that no one would ever hear you scream. I love the dogs but you can't really count of them to tell the difference between leaves blowing in the backyard or someone breaking into the house. I'm sure though, that staying there over the past 2 years or so on and off has broken me of this staying alone problem. I'm happy to say that it has - it was getting to be a pain in the ass.

Now if I could just cure the sleeping alone issue - that would be great. After graduation....when I actually have time to be a real human.

I can't tell you how great it feels to sleep in and then lay in bed and watch an hour of tv. Especially when you know that people are at your work. It gives me a perverse sense of pleasure - but I'm sure it does that for a lot of people when they have time off that's not really vacation.

I don't know if it's blogger or my aunt's computer but I had pictures to make this a not so boring post - I'll put them up later using another computer.

22 days people - how do you think I should celebrate? (Yes Tyler I know I should get laid)

Update - I just heard from Mom and we can bring her home today yayyyyy!

Mom Update

My mom is out of surgery and doing well. Thanks to all of you out there in blog land that sent me your well wishes - it was very sweet.

So drove in and out of Boston today with my dad. I love him but MAN is he a lot of work. He is 69 and losing his hearing so he thinks he's muttering under his breath and believe me he's not. His way of dealing with being in an uncomfortable situation is to say inappropriate (but often funny) things. Some people take this well some don't. By the end of the trip I was exhausted - he is, as I said, a lot of work. But he's my dad and I love him.

Wrote three pages while I was in the hospital waiting room so that's good. I can't tell you how happy I am to not be at work. I'm going to make my decision about staying or going by next Friday the 16th. I'm still mulling it over.

OK kids have a good rest of your day.

24 days

Headache

I have a killer headache today so my brain doesn't seem to be able to come up with an interesting post. I stole this off Sara's site - it's kind of the easy way out but oh well.

Four things about me that you may or may not have known, in no particular order:

Four Jobs I have had in my life:
1. HR Manager
2. Office Manager
3. Bartender
4. Indie Record Company (you did everything)

Four Movies I have watched more than once:
1. An American President
2. Princess Bride
3. Love Actually
4. Dazed & Confused

Four places I have lived:
1. North Attleboro, MA
2. Kittery, ME
3. Montpelier, VT
4. Providence, RI

Four TV Shows I Watch:
1. Bones
2.
3. No other TV until school is done
4.

Four places I have been:
1. Santa Fe, New Mexico
2. San Diego, CA
3. New Orleans, LA
4. Orlando, FL

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. French Fries
3. Cheese
4. Chicken

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Kim
2. Pat
3. Brian
4. Amy RR

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. curled up in bed or on the couch
2. anywhere with either Mike Lowell or Josh Beckett
3. In a recording studio with Trent Reznor
4. On an island with no phones - no computers

Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Turning 40
2. A really low key Thanksgiving/Christmas
3. The lecture I'm going to tonight (yes headache and all)
4. Doing interviews with Veterans for my thesis

Oh, I amost forgot...

I also have an art show in January. Not working would allow me to properly get ready for this too. I need to create, mat, frame & price a bunch of stuff. I have no idea when I'm supposed to fit that in.


25 days....

Short Week

So this week I only have to work 2 days. I wish it were for a better reason (you know, like vacation) but the truth is my mom is having pretty serious surgery on Wednesday and since my father is pretty useless when it comes to this stuff I am taking 7-10 days off to stay with her during the day. The doctor does not want her left alone for the first 2 weeks. She'll be pretty drugged up and will need help getting up and walking.
It's a routine surgery, but still, anytime someone goes under anesthesia there could be trouble - and wait until my mom starts to wake up. She does not react well to anesthesia, not at all. It's going to be a long- slow recovery. 6-8 weeks. Hopefully after the first 2 weeks she'll be OK to be alone part of the day.

Even though this is going to interfere with Thanksgiving, Christmas and more importantly MY 40Th BIRTHDAY. I'm glad she is finally having it done. She's been putting off the surgery for over a year and finally her doctor said "enough! You will have this done now!!!

More selfishly this couldn't have come at a better time. I am seriously hating my job right now. So to take a week off even if it is to care for someone who is sick looks pretty good to me. It'll be a lot of sitting at her house - I'm envisioning getting a lot of school work done and that's also a bonus. So since I brought up my job I'm trying to make a big decision here and I'd love your input out there in blog land.

I currently work 4 days a week as an HR Manager at a Metals Manufacturing plant. We were bought last year by a private equity firm. We haven't seen many changes but I think we will start to see them soon as we are not producing or shipping material at a good rate. We can sell it but we can't seem to make it or get it to the customer on time...Right now we have an 86% on time delivery rate. That sucks ASS. Our goal is 99%. We have a guy running out traffic dept. who talks a good game but doesn't get anything done..I hate people like that. Just shut the hell up and do your job. Stop throwing people under the bus and take responsibility for your dept. Jackass.




Anyway - I'm also a full time student. I'm currently writing my thesis which is due on March 1, 2008 and will be presented sometime later that month. It is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. It is taking a ton of time - and I'm not getting the quality of work that I really want due to time constraints. So I started to get stressed out and said to myself "what would I have to do no to work until after graduation".
That sounded fabulous to me so I started to think about it. These are the options I came up with:


1. I can get a student loan in the amount of 10-15k (in addition to my other loans) and quit work and just do my school work. Start looking for a job in Feb in the field of mental health and just go from there.


2. Start looking for another job now while I'm trying to do my thesis and work.

3. Get another HR job until I start Graduate school in 2008. A job that pays better that this one.

4. Just stay put and see how much I get done during my mother's recovery and then go from there.

Of course my brain says take the loan you fool and do your school work. But for once in my life I'm trying to make a logical decision not an emotional one.

Any thoughts??

Question For Bloggers

Who do you guys use to track the traffic on your site? I'm currently using the free version of sitemeter. Does anyone have any other suggestions that aren't a million dollars a month?

Thanks!

Digital Music

I could take the easy way out and write about how good it is to be a New England sports fan right now. We just won the World Series - the Celtics look good- the Bruins are doing well and of course we have the game today with Indy. It should be a bastards). I'm going to watch the game with some friends - and that will be fun. But that's not what is on my mind right now...

There is a yet another big uproar about digital files being swapped and music being downloaded for free. The big record labels are fighting for all they are worth to keep the few pennies that they are making coming in. They don't seem to get it - it's OVER. Stick a fork in you - you're done, so just get over it and figure out how to deal. You've held artist's and their music captive long enough with your "recoupable" cost bullshit. Don't forget I worked in the industry for years. I saw what was charged back to the artist and it was SHAMEFUL. It's amazing any artist's make any money at all.

I remember years back when the group TLC declared bankruptcy and the whole world was like WHAT? How can they have no money? It was pretty easy actually. Massive tours, ridiculously high tech videos, management costs and a bad deal. That's all it takes.

So now artists like Trent Reznor are giving the major labels a big old "fuck you" and fulfilling their contracts and then going out on their own. Now you might say that independent artists have been doing this right along - and that's true. But to have an artist of Reznor's caliber do it - it's bound to raise a few alarms. Now not only is he doing it but he is helping other artist's sell their music without a labels backing. I've got news for you - when someone like Reznor says "buy this" - his minions buy it. I know this for sure because I bought it. Yes I'm a minion and DAMN proud of it.

You can go to www.nin.com and buy the new Saul Williams' album. You can pay $5 or you can get it for free. The difference between this and Radiohead is that Saul isn't going to sell out and sign a deal with a label after he does this. The other big difference is the quality of the digital files is far superior.

I don't know about you but the big downer for me in all of this is having all of my music in files on my computer. I miss artwork. I've missed it since the invention of the CD. Remember those great sleeves that the albums came in? Who out there had Led Zepplin's Physical Graffiti? It was so cool how the sleeve played into the album cover.







Or Houses of the Holy - artwork of all those strange naked blondish people crawling up the rocky mountain. It was strange - scary and beautiful all at the same time.

I'd like to this that digital music is just a phase - but I'd just be fooling myself. I do buy digital music - but if I like it enough I buy the CD. I want to own the music, I want to touch the case and read any little liner notes that they are able to put on there. I downloaded Year Zero on iTunes and then went and bought the actual CD and I'm glad I did. The only thing that could be better is vinyl - but I don't even have a turntable.

Here is another album cover memory. My first favorite band was Kiss. When I was in junior high they all released solo albums. The covers were completely black with just their faces in full makeup. They KICKED ASS. I immediately went out a bought Paul Stanley's and Ace Frehley's. They were my boys. I didn't care about the other two. I had them on vinyl and 8 track (for the car!). Anyway - back to modern day - this memory was brought on by "Back In The New York Groove" playing on my iTunes.




Everyone out there should buy Year Zero. It shows you in no uncertain terms where our country is headed. As I saw on another blog (I can't remember whose it was) - It's not fascism if we do it. Ain't that the truth.

26 days and counting....

Hurricane Winds - So Disappointing

As I was scurrying around my condo last night getting ready for my workshop I get a phone call. "You aren't driving to the cape tomorrow are you?" my good friend Kim asked me. Now Kim is not an overly cautious stay inside kind of person, so if she had concerns I decided I needed to look into them.

I had heard the weather was going to be lousy - remnants of Hurricane Noel and all that rot. But really hadn't given it a second thought. So I called Paul - the guy I was renting a small cottage in Provincetown from - and he agreed that traveling down there was not a good idea. Sea's are predicted to be high and the winds are supposed to be bad. So I shoot an email to the center in Truro and let them know I'm a maybe at best. You never know, sometimes these huge storms go out to sea.

This morning I wake up early and look outside. Definitely foreboding skies - the wind is picking up but it hasn't stopped raining. I wonder if I should just chance it but then remember that I no longer have a place to stay. I'm really torn - I get up make some waffles and sit down to look at the weather. Well - it didn't go out to sea and they are predicting 60-80 mph gusts. OK that makes my decision for me.

So I do what any self-respecting almost 40 year old woman does on a rainy Saturday morning (no,not THAT) - I went back to bed and didn't wake up until 11am. I haven't felt this rested in weeks. It just tells me how tired I really was.

Just to give people who aren't familiar with the area - here is an aerial map of the Cape Cod:

The place I was staying was at the very very end. It's the absolute last town on the Cape and the town where the workshop was is right before that. Here is what the radar is currently showing for the storm.





I'm disappointed to say the least. Hopefully the center will give me a credit but I couldn't find anything on their website that said anything about cancellations. Ah well, we'll just have to wait and see.

Now I have these two unexpected days. No one but Kim even is aware that I am in town. My plan is to work on my thesis - I have a ton due by Veterans Day. So I better get after it.

Tyler & George aren't you glad I didn't pick either of you to come with me?

If you live on the East Coast - stay dry!

Oh yeah....27 more days!

Friday

I like Fridays for a lot of different reasons. The obvious one is that it's the day before the weekend - duh. Now that I don't work on Thursdays, Fridays are much much easier to handle. Add to that the fact that my good friend Kim comes in and works on Fridays and it makes for a much better day.

Last night's art class was a complete bust in my opinion (for me anyway). Sometimes you just have a class where you don't have it. I didn't like anything I did and was ready to throw them in the trash - but the cool thing about watercolor is that you can use the other side of the paper. My art teacher (Kim from above) wants me to take a more direct approach in my work. Frankly I was too tired to process it last night - I'll think about it this weekend and figure out just what the heck he meant.

I'm so excited about this weekend. I'm going down to Truro which is all the way down near the tip of Cape Cod to take a workshop in Encaustic Painting. One day when I was trolling Ebay looking at original art I came across this artist. I loved her work so I sent her a quick email complimenting her. This led to a short conversation which led me to research what "encaustic" painting is. Basically it is painting with a wax based paint that is kept warm. As you can see she does all of her work on wood. I love the idea of painting on something that doesn't have any give. That's why on yesterday's to do list I had to go to Lowes and get some plywood cut up.

Now the bad news is that Saturday is supposed to be crappy weather (remnants of Hurricane Noel) and that's when I'm driving down. I'm leaving super early (like 6am) so that I can go to the place I rented first and dump my stuff. Hopefully I can get down there before the bad weather starts up. There is something cozy about being down the cape in a cottage with the wind and rain making all sorts of noise around you all night long. Now if I only had a boy to take with me...oh well that's a post for another day.

Birthday Countdown - 28 days until the big 4-0!

First Day Part II

So far I think I've hit everything on my list except studying...isn't that the way?? It took me much longer to find the frame place and find my way back to the highway than it should of. I HATE driving in Quincy. It seems like it should be so easy but it never is. So just to recap I:

1. Went to the tailors

2. Went to Lowes (forgot the hinges) but got the plywood and got it cut for free!

3. Went to Quincy and picked up my work that had been framed. Spent another $50 on supplies (more than half of that on paper) and then dropped another $200+ for the framing. It's freakin expensive. I hate having things professionally framed because then you have to charge more to cover that cost. I'm only have a few things done for my show. The rest I'll do my self.

4. Stopped at my sister's to get stuff out of my oil painting bag.

5. Went to my aunt's and got her keys.

6. Came to my parents and did laundry. Now I'm waiting for the dryer to be done so I can go to art class. I suppose I could be studying now but somehow this seemed so much more important.

Next I'm off to have dinner (never did get lunch) and then go to art class.
Hopefully I'll have some good work to share tomorrow.

Have a good evening.

First Day

So today is the first day of NaBloPoMo. When I signed up writing everyday seemed like it should be easy right? I mean sometimes I post two or three times a day. But I think it's the same old thing - when you HAVE to do it it's another whole story. So today I thought I would let you in on my super exciting life. I don't work on Thursdays (I've got a great deal of a 4 day workweek right now due to school) and usually I try to spend time at my desk working on schoolwork- but not today. Here are the things I have to do today:

First pack up laundry and art class stuff because I won't be coming back here.

1. Bring three pairs of pants to the tailors - have I mentioned I'm SHORT?

2. Go to Lowes and return extra hinges. Pick up plywood and have it cut into various size panels for my Encaustic Painting workshop (more about that later) that I'm taking down the cape this weekend.

3. Go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and pick up a better mirror

4. Stop at my sisters and pick up my oil painting art bag

5. Drive to Quincy and pick up the 5 pieces that I had framed.

6. Have lunch at some point.

7. Go to my aunt's house and pick up her keys as I'll be staying there during the first part of my mom's recovery from surgery.

8. Go to parents and do laundry and school work since it's right around the corner from my aunt's and in the same town as art class.

So in my defense I do have some school work planned! Boy do I live like a Rock Star or waht?

OK - need to start the day.

OH and I'm beginning a birthday countdown - 29 days until the big 4-0!

Have a great day everyone~