Most of us have that person. You know the one. They are the ideal to which we measure all current and future relationships. Unfortunately if we are still measuring against this person there is a good chance that no one is ever going to match up. I have that person - and we are friends but that's another whole other post.
The point is I tend to see him quite a bit during this time of year and it stirs up all kinds of shit for me.
I'm 40 and single and frankly it sucks. Especially around this time of year. Everywhere you go people are coupled up. All of your married or dating friends are super busy with family stuff- which is completely understandable. This is also the time of year that people give you that look that is somewhere between understanding and pity which is usually followed with "oh don't you worry, you'll find someone". Yeah I know...I've been trying to tell myself that now for quite a few years. The real question is WHEN?
I'm amazed by the number of people who seem envious of my single status. These are usually people who are married. I always wonder if they are as unhappy as they seem or is it just an act. If it's not then I seem to know an unusually large number of unhappily married people. I wonder if that's normal.
OK here's what I want (if you don't ask you don't get): Guy 38-48, great sense of humor, gainfully employed, dark hair, dark eyes, decent physical condition, loves music, loves to go out and have fun, politics that lean from the center to the left. Someone who can take my moods and can understand that I sometimes need alone time.
I know he's out there. Just for research purposes I went on match.com and put in just the age group and location and I got about 20 pages with 10-12 pictures on it. I'm scared to death of the online thing - and it's all about rejection. For all my loudness and big personality putting myself out there is terrifying.
I guess the place the most people meet is work. That is so not happening at my job. Maybe after I get my degree and start my new career I'll have better luck.
I will say this: I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life and I am terrified that's where I'm headed. I can only put on this happy face and pretend it doesn't bother me for so long.
So with all of that in mind I have a question: I will inevitably be asked to spend New Years Eve with married and/or coupled friends (and I love all of my friends I really do). Should I just suck it up and be the only single one there or should I just stay home and do school work.
Tell me what you think blogfriends - I trust your judgement.
Some music for my mood....
