Happy Birthday

Thanks to everyone who already wrote to wish me a happy birthday! Today's the day. I'm at work but only until noon - then it's off to lunch and party party party!!

whooo hoooooo 40 years old - This is the longest I have ever done anything!

It's also the last day of NaBloPoMo THANK CHRIST

Here We Go....

The final 24 hours of my thirties. I know I probably have something profound to say here - instead I've got some random thoughts:

I know it's bad for me, but I love having a coke first thing in the morning. I don't drink coffee - so I use that as an excuse

If you say you don't have at least one Hall and Oates song on your ipod or mp3 player you are probably lying (I have many)

I would get digital cable if they would put Buffy or Angel (or both) back on the air

Even though I act like it doesn't bother me - when someone says "Christ, anyone can do that" about abstract art work I want to tear there heads off. Literally and figuratively

I am really really nervous about getting into graduate school

Men who I would give everything up for: Trent Reznor, Josh Homme, Dave Grohl and possibly Bruce Springsteen back in the Born To Run days.


Music people that I miss: Layne Staley, Michael Hutchence, Shannon Hoon, Mark Heard (look him up), Kurt Cobain, Robbie Robertson

Bands that I miss: Whiskeytown, Lone Justice, Nirvana, The Breeders, Elastica, The Band and the ORGINAL Crowded House.

It took until we were both in our 30's for my sister and I to honestly say that we liked each other. Sometimes it's still hard - for both of us

The song The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald always makes me tear up

I have the worst romantic record and I'm working really hard to change that

For the first time every I feel like I have a clear path - now I just have to concentrate on the path and not on the fact that I "wasted" so much time getting here.

I have a very serious and a very real fear of commitment. About 24 hours after I bought this condo I was physically ill for 2 days thinking about not having the option to move as freely as I always have

I have a great life, great friends and a fabulous family. Work is just work and I'm not factoring it in until I'm done with school and working in the job I want

I'm nervous that now that I've been alone for as long as I have that I'm not going to be able to share things with a partner.

I am excellent at being able to get people to tell me everything about themselves and then escaping the conversation before I have to tell them too much about myself.

Speaking of that - I think this is enough of this bullshit.

Yes Indeed

Yes indeed...two more days.

Maybe more later but I doubt it - if yesterday was hell today is the 7th circle of hell....what a great place to work.

Yes!

This is why I love this man










You are right Trent...sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and get on with things. That boys and girls is today's lesson...

Mood

I am in a shitty shitty mood. I very rarely blog about work - but today I have too. I'm a HR Manager - and a pretty damn good one I think. I work hard (for the most part) and I would say a good 90% of the people here like me and feel comfortable with me.



That's a good percentage for a HR person seeing as how we are usually the most hated person in the building.

Anyway..My boss is the CFO of the company - and we have a new one. Now admittedly it took me a long time to get over my last boss leaving. He was just quite simply the best boss I had ever ever had. He had tremendous people skills and above average business acumen and was just an all around great guy. To say I was devastated when he left would be a slight understatement. But that was last February and I got over it.

Now we have this new guy. Lousy listener and wants to be a "hands off manager". Has already told me he hates to have "difficult" discussions with people. What. The. Fuck???? You are a god damn member of senior management and you are making a hell of a lot more money than me - it is your obligation to have the difficult conversations and to at least act interested when one of your staff are talking to you. It's not OK to check your phone or to continue to look around the room like you have somewhere else to be DUMBASS.

Tomorrow we have a staff meeting. He wants us to go around the room and update on "projects". I have no fucking idea what he is talking about. I have no projects - I come in here and do my job and handle whatever employee bullshit is handed to me. He wants me to do some sort of flow chart on retention. Guess what buddy - WE DON'T HAVE A RETENTION PROBLEM. Our other plant does - so talk to them.

The bottom line is - I have to get out of here. This just isn't going to work for me not anymore. Yeah the four day workweek is nice - but in the end I don't think it's worth it.

I need a contract HR job that I can keep until I go to grad school. Or I need a job in the mental health field that I can keep while I'm in grad school - those are my options.

Excuse me while I go look on Monster, Careerbuilders and Hotjobs.

Nothing....

Sorry guys - I'm worn out and have nothing to give to the blog today. The stress from my thesis is actually making me feel like my head might cave in and I'm seriously having trouble breathing...(just from stress).

Here is my list

1. Thesis 1st draft due by Dec 6th
2. Watercolor exercises for class due by 12/21
3. Frame watercolors for exhibit to be hung 1/2/08
4. Watercolor paper due 1/1/08
5. Finish 4 grad school applications


6. Write 4 different grad school essays or personal statements
7. Take the Miller's Analogies on 12/15
8. Go to graduate info thingy at Simmons on 12/8
9. Plan the fucking company christmas party
10. Keep the new boss happy (notice that's at the bottom)
11. Find a new job
12. Turn 40 on Friday - 4 more days
13. Get my hair cut/colored before I turn 40 on Friday.

Soldiers & The Holidays

Last night I watched The Ground Truth. This is a documentary that talks to 6 men and women about their service in Iraq. It'll break your heart. The stories are so different but in the end the same.





I highly recommend this movie to everyone. It doesn't matter if you are for the war or against the war - there is something to be learned for everyone.

One of the most unbelievable parts is when one of the men who has lost his hand is asked but someone how he lost it. He answers "the war" and the person asking says "what war" and the soldiers answers patiently "the war in Iraq". The other person then asks him "Oh that is still going on?" How is it that we have reached this level of apathy? It's disturbing and disgusting.

While I was on the The Ground Truth website I came across a website called anysoldier.com. This is way for people to be involved directly with the troops. You can send as little as a postcard or as much as a care package. There are pretty specific directions but I think making a soldiers days is worth a little reading. Don't you?

Oh - and this is important. Any of you have received that email about sending cards to "A Recovering American Soldier" should know that it's not a valid message. According the Dept. of Defense Walter Reed cannot accept any mail that isn't addressed to a particular person. Go the website above and send them something!

Lastly - my friend Tyler has posted this very moving video. Take 5 minutes to watch it.

Speaking of...
more days!!

Domesticity

I am domestically disabled and I have absolutely no problem with it. My future husband, whoever he is, better be ready for it cause it ain't changing. I have someone clean my one bedroom condo every other week and cooking is somewhat of a foreign language one that I don't see myself learning any time soon.That being said- I do know how to cook. But I am a follow the directions kind of cook not one of those cooks who intuitively know what to throw into the mix to make it all taste great. I have tried that when I'm feeling brave - it's had mixed results.

Now today for some reason - I woke up with the urge to make soup. Split pea soup to be exact. So when this urge hits I go with it - because if I ignore it it goes away very very quickly..

So I hauled my ass to the grocery store for the second time in two days and got all of the ingredients (ham hocks YUCK) and put the soup together. It's amazingly easy and it tastes damn good if I do say so myself. Once you can get past the look of the soup you can enjoy it.

Now all I have to clean up which is the part that I hate the most. This is when I wish I had a kitchen boy to clean up for me. I think that this one will do nicely...













Say it with me people 6 more days....

Friends

I love my friend Kim but she is, as we say, Queen of the Harpies. I can stop at her house for a minute and before I know it it's 5 hours later and she has practically convinced me to stay overnight. The best thing is that it's not like we are doing any big kind of project. We are usually just sitting around, having a meal, playing with her daughter Lucy or watching TV. It's the kind of friendship that you can say anything or say nothing at all and it's comfortable. I love it and it's the type of friendship that everyone should have. Kim is also my art teacher (that's how we met)and she has been instrumental in my art growth and also in growing my confidence. She's simply fabulous.

I have this other friend Maria - we've known each other a very very long time. We met because I was hired to fill in the position she was vacating at a restaurant we both worked at. We hit it off instantly and have been close ever since. We lived near each other for quite a few years and partied our brains out together. Many a drunken night was spent at The Blue Mermaid dancing away with Maria. When we look back on it now we laugh at how we were living. I've also traveled a bit with Maria and having a friend that you can travel with is KEY. We've been to New Orleans and to New Mexico. Those are the two that stick out but I'm sure that there are more.

Maria has been instrumental in my going back to school to get my degree. She did the same thing at 40. She enrolled in school and started from the very beginning as a non-traditional matriculating student at Plymouth State in New Hampshire she then went on and got her Masters and has now enrolled in a program to get her PHD and I couldn't be prouder of her. I used to give her a really hard time about how much time school was taking up in her life - and now I totally get it. When I need to cry on someones shoulder about school I can always call Maria because it goes beyond sympathy - she has actually been there done that and that's really helpful. She is an amazing friend and I probably don't say thank you nearly enough.

I've been lucky enough to make several new friends through school one of them being my professor. Amy has believed in my intelligence from the very beginning. She was my advisor for my first semester and if I had had another professor I'm not sure I would have made it - it was a rough, rough semester. She was amazingly directed and helped me to reign it all back in and get it on paper. She is now the advisor for my thesis and is doing the same thing. We've been able to connect on a level that is beyond teacher student because of our ages - and it's been great.

I'm lucky to have great friends and I mean really GREAT friends - and I just want them to know that I think they are all spectacular.

Yes, yes I know 7 more days....

Thursday Morning & Giving Thanks

I woke up this morning with a sinus headache and what feels like the beginning of a cold- NO NO NO I cannot be sick this weekend. I have far too much to do. My first draft of my thesis is due in full on December 6th and it's not like I have unlimited time between now and then.

Tyler - if you are reading this is why I didn't call last night.

So my mom is recovering quickly but she still has to stay at home. She is not a stay at home person and being stuck in the house is killing her. A result of this is that she has become overly interested in my education. All of sudden she wants to know why I'm not getting a MBA. Are you kidding me? Could a Masters in Social Work and a Masters in Business Administration be any different? I have absolutely zero interest in anything business related right now. I"m going to talk to her today and ask her to find another pet project. I know she loves me and everything and she is just looking out for my best interests - but I don't need another thing to think about.

So on with the Thanksgiving List-

1. I really am grateful for all of my relatives: sister, mom, dad, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, outlaws you name it they are all great people. I mean it's not as if we don't have our issues - but our issues are what make us pretty god damn funny. We are Irish, loud and love to party. What more could you ask for.

2. My friend Elise and her boys. I am so lucky to have met this family. They have given me something in my life that I didn't even know was missing. I know that Elise thinks that she's lucky to have people that come over and help, but really we're lucky that she shares her life and her kids with us.

3. My friends. I have absolutely fabulous friends. All ages, sizes, colors etc. The one thing they all have in common is that they are all intelligent people - that and of course that they like me.

4. My job - I'm not happy with it right now but because of this job I have a new used car and a great condo.

5. My brain - I'm grateful that is still works after all the shit that I've done to it over the years.

That's the short list of things - I'm sure I'll come up with more later. I have to go get ready we are having Thanksgiving Brunch. I know I know what the fuck is that? I don't ask questions I just show up at the place and time with whatever the tell me to bring. This year the only thing I'm bringing is my laundry.

Have a good day everyone!

Oh yeah 8 more days
See how I slipped in that NASCAR reference when you weren't looking??

9 More days

Yeah - I got the same call this morning from my sister. Only luckily I was out of my office so she had to yell into the phone...so much better.

OK so today 9 more days takes on a whole new meaning. 9 more days until I'm 40 and 9 more days until this fucking NaBloPoMo is over. As it says in the labels NaBloPoMo is killing me.

It's 4:54 and I'm outta here - a nice long weekend of...SCHOOLWORK. Isn't my life unbelievably exciting? Eeessshhhhh.

I am going to meet a few friends for a drink and then heading over to my friends Kim's house to hang out.

Tomorrow I'll do my thankful list. Thanks to everyone who sent me what they are thankful for. If you want to check out a great list of things to be thankful for go visit ADW.

The Final Countdown

My sister called me this morning and screamed into the phone 10 MORE DAYS. It seems that she is more excited about me turning 40 than I am about it. Of course for her it's just another thing to give me a hard time about (love you Aimee).

I had the BEST thing told to me yesterday. I've written about the two boys that I take care of a couple times a week. Jamie is 16 and John is 14. Both non-verbal but they have great comprehension. I love them both - but John has quickly become my favorite. He is just the best kid and so much fun. We sit and watch Nascar together on Sunday's and just generally have a good time. So yesterday in school the teachers were going over Thanksgiving and what being thankful means yadda yadda yadda. So they went around the room and asked everyone what they were thankful for. When they got to John he gave the sign for Jenn. Luckily one of the aids knows John's sign language really well and knew what he was saying. His mother called me last night to tell me - I seriously almost started to cry. No really, I did.

So even though it's early in the week. What are you all thankful for?

Mike Lowell

I'm a happy, happy, happy girl!! The Red Sox signed Mike Lowell to a 3 year 37.5 Million deal. Read about it here.

Thank you Theo - you did the right thing. I am most certain you will not regret it.

Trogdor

I can't believe I've never posted this here before. Take the 3 minutes or so and watch. It's freakin hysterical. I love Strongbad but this is by far the best one.

Unexpected Call = Unexpected Hangover

I worked on my thesis all afternoon yesterday. And because of that I now feel pretty confident that I could file a claim with the VA successfully. The amount of paperwork that is expected is ridiculous. The fact that we expect men and women who have come back from war physically or emotionally damaged to manage this situation is unbelievable.

So I had just taken a break and was visiting with my niece when my cell rang. A friend of mine greets me with "Vinny is in town - want to come over and get really fucked up?" Now how could I say no to that? I never see Vinny and he's a funny bastard - I always have a great time.

So I head over there - by 10pm I'm trashed. I started drinking Vodka and when I ran out of that I moved right on to the red wine really REALLY bad idea.

My niece had left so I was there without a car - which means obviously there for the night. My friends had just gotten a new 65 inch flat screen. We were playing music videos - Tommy Shondell, The Band, Elvis, Bee Gees and Bruce Springsteen and dancing our asses off. I had no idea how much I needed to let off that steam.

Well when I opened my eyes this morning...I was a hurting puppy. Headache - upset stomach the works. The best thing is the Vinny and Pat were in just as bad shape. I made them drive me home and I was thinking I hope no one sees me getting out of this truck with the two of them - we all looked like we had been holed up for 48 hours doing god knows what.

I showered quickly (or as quickly as I could) and headed over to take care of my boys. Luckily they were complete angels - I was starting to feel better too so everything was looking up.

I came home and made the mistake of sitting down and it all washed over me again. I am now eating the great American hang over meal. McDonald's cheeseburger, fries and a coke. Right now it's just sitting like a big lump in the pit of my stomach. My next stop is the couch - wrapped in my Pendelton Indian blanket. I'm going to finish watching the race (nap actually) and then watch the Pat's at 8:15.

Last night was so totally worth the hangover - I haven't had that much fun in a while. School has totally taken the fun quota out of my life.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I only have a three day workweek this week, yayyyyyyy!

Ladies go here, you won't be disappointed in this optical illusion.

Mike Lowell & Other Things

So this is the latest I have posted for NaBloPoMo - but I said I was going to do it and dammit I am.

It was strange day. I haven't been at work due to my mom's surgery since last Wednesday. So today I arrive at work (10 minutes late of course) and just as I'm plugging in my computer all of the power goes out. I wait a second and it's clear it's not coming back on. I mosey on out to the plant and it's all dark too. Now the fun thing here is that my office is the only one without any outside windows. So my office was pitch black.
I soon find out a transformer on a telephone pole behind us blew up and power is not expected to be back on until 3-4pm. So I do what I can and then head out. I was taking a half day anyway - so I left at noon. I had all these great plans for getting school work done and well it's around 10:45pm and I'm just getting home...I won't get into that.


I'm thinking that the Red Sox are not going to sign Mike Lowell. I know Theo usually makes the right decision but I can't help but think signing Mike is the right decision. According to the announcers during the Celtics game - we should know something this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

When Bad Videos Happen To Good Songs

The 80's were a funky time for music. MTV was actually playing videos and record companies where trying to figure out how to best use this medium to their benefit. Some bands like Duran Duran figured it out quick. Their Hungry Like The Wolf video was groundbreaking (for that time frame). Vibrant colors. exotic women and a wrestling match with Simon. I was a sophomore in high school and I remember being completely transfixed. These guys were gorgeous, sexy and now we got to see them too? I begged my parents for cable and was transfixed every day after school.

Now there were some rock and roll stars that were unbelievably talented but maybe didn't fit the rock and roll mold so much. Mark Knopfler was one of these guys. His guitar playing and lyrics are some of the greatest you'll ever hear.

So why in the world would he allow this video to be made? Romeo and Juliet is a masterpiece in my opinion. So why Mark? Why????? Talk about bad management decisions.



Just for fun I've included the lyrics. For those of you who can't make it through the video (it's that bad)

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
he's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
you shoudn't come around here singing up at people like that
anyway what you gonna do about it?

juliet the dice were loaded from the start
and i bet and you exploded in my heart
and i forget i forget the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

come up on different streets they both were streets of shame
both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as i was just another one of your deals?

when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
now you just say oh romeo yeah you know i used to have a scene with him

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

i can't do the talk like they talking on the tv
and i can't do a love song like the way its meant to be
i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you
i can't do anything except be in love with you

and all i do is miss you and the way we used to be
all i do is keep the beat and bad company
all i do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
julie i'd do the stars with you any time

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

And just for some more fun....

Tuesday

So I don't have much to offer today. I was going through some of the blogs that I read and I came across this. I thought it was hysterical....

Thesis Meeting & Answers

First of all meeting went well. I have the first two chapters of my thesis done. This is the Intro and the History of the VA. Now I get into explanation of current disability/benefit structure, the "big" problems, Current VA experiences (with interviews with soldiers), what is being done and my conclusion. I feel like I'm finally on a bit of a roll.

So anyway last week I said that I'd answer any questions people wanted to know. I got a few so here we go.

Are you divorced?
Not divorced (never married)

Do you have kids?
I don't want to have my own kids but I'm not opposed to step-mommyhood

Who's is the love of your life?
Jesus - I can't answer that what if he reads this?

What makes you tick?
Passion and humor - two very important things

What do you live for?
I live to make a difference - not to sound all left wingy on you but knowing I've helped people out and made a difference in their life makes my day. I don't want anything for it - I just like knowing it.

What is the meaning of your life?
I really believe I'm here to help...hence the career with Veterans

What is the most important 5 things in your life?
1. My family (all of them even the pain in the asses)
2. My friends
3. My boys (2 handicapped boys I take care of)
4. Being able to paint on a regular basis
5. My schoolwork

My GOD is my life boring or what?


What would you die for?
I would die for my family and my boys


Do you believe in God?
Yes


Which God?
It depends - sometimes when I'm out in the woods and I'm just listening I swear I can hear the Great Spirit out there with me. When I'm at a funeral my faith in Jesus (from my Catholic upbringing) comes screaming out. I talk to God every night - I don't usually think about what shape he or she is in.

How old do you want to be when you die?
Young enough to have all my faculties and old enough to have made a difference


How do you want to die?
Quietly and peacefully surrounded by people who love me, just like my grandmother.

How do you feel about turning 40?
I am ALL GOOD with turning 40, I really am. I feel like my life is finally on track. I look good, feel good and will be a certified college graduate in 4 months. It's all good to me.

When are we getting married?
Sorry sweetie - I can't make any commitments until I'm done with my Master's Degree. That's another two years away. Don't wait for me...find "her" and be happy.


18 days BABY

Thesis Meeting

I am off to two meetings. First with my advisor and then with my thesis group. I will either be elated or crushed when I come home this evening.

Either way I will be answering the questions you guys sent to me.

Have a good day.