New Job Exhaustion

Hello everyone - I know I've been a terribly irresponsible blog owner these past couple of days but I've been more than a bit overwhelmed.

Let's start with the most long term. My final thesis is due on March 1st - freakin MARCH FIRST. It's less than a month away (obviously if this is the 5th) but as one friend said "Aren't you lucky it's a leap year! You get 29 days in Feb." Yeah and aren't you lucky I didn't just take that plucky little attitude and....well you know. So I had a mini breakdown at my thesis meeting on Sunday. I hate when that happens I don't like to cry in front of people even if it's just a few little leaky tears. And it was only made worse but the sympathy. They meant well but it really did make it harder to control. All in all it wasn't too bad - I think maybe it was a premonition about the damn game Sunday night.

Headline in today's paper "ALL IS LOST Patriots 18-0 all for nothing" Pretty brutal huh? I don't think thats the case at all. Of course we'll go down as the biggest choke in football history but we'll get them next year. It's not like we're Susan Lucci or something and have never won.

OK so on to the thing on everyone's mind. The new job. So far I really like it. Its an incredible amount of information to assimilate - especially while I'm trying to finish my thesis. But I have to take the train in and out of the city and I've gotten a ton of writing done while riding so that's a positive.

There are alot of different forms etc that I need to learn and I can't help but thing that there are students that are waiting for things that I don't know about or that are in the pile I just got tonight before I left....we'll see. I do have to say they are unbelievably supportive which is great and I can wear jeans yayyyyyy!

So the job title is:
Assistant Director, Advising and Student Services
Independent Study Degree Program
Interdisciplinary Studies Program
Lesley University

Pretty long winded wouldn't you say? I guess that's how it is in academia.

I have two bosses one is my thesis advisor who I know very well and love dearly. She is the head of the interdisciplinary program. Then I work for the director of the Independent study program. I've been warned about her. Apparently she plays games, is passive aggressive and gossips about people. Nice huh? I think I can handle her. She's used to some young 23 year old with no life experience....that's not me. I've been around the block a time or two... I do have to say that I'm working harder than I ever did at my old job (or maybe in the past year anyway) so of course I have these thoughts of...did I do the right thing?? Of course I did - I know I did.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that the job is temporary. The woman who does the job took a leave so I am just filling in. Basically I'll have it all figured out and then it'll be time to leave. The best news is I may be able to take the summer off before grad school! That would fucking ROCK.

Oh and grad school - damn essays. I'm almost there I really am!

Ok so that's the update - hope you are all well.

And Tyler stop being so smug about the damn Giants.

Ok now for a little music - 1990 The Charlatans UK I was living in the city. Life was good.



God the 90's were a good time for music - this might just be my favorite U2 song. It's for sure in the top 5. I had/have such a mad crush on Edge its nuts. My good friend Shari got me his autograph before prom and we transferred it to my mortar for graduation (is that the right word? Mortar?) Anyway I still have it.



They won't let me embed this so just turn off the lights and light a candle - take a deep breath and listen. After all Lent starts tomorrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AratTMGrHaQ

Singleness and Love

Most of us have that person. You know the one. They are the ideal to which we measure all current and future relationships. Unfortunately if we are still measuring against this person there is a good chance that no one is ever going to match up. I have that person - and we are friends but that's another whole other post.

The point is I tend to see him quite a bit during this time of year and it stirs up all kinds of shit for me.

I'm 40 and single and frankly it sucks. Especially around this time of year. Everywhere you go people are coupled up. All of your married or dating friends are super busy with family stuff- which is completely understandable. This is also the time of year that people give you that look that is somewhere between understanding and pity which is usually followed with "oh don't you worry, you'll find someone". Yeah I know...I've been trying to tell myself that now for quite a few years. The real question is WHEN?

I'm amazed by the number of people who seem envious of my single status. These are usually people who are married. I always wonder if they are as unhappy as they seem or is it just an act. If it's not then I seem to know an unusually large number of unhappily married people. I wonder if that's normal.

OK here's what I want (if you don't ask you don't get): Guy 38-48, great sense of humor, gainfully employed, dark hair, dark eyes, decent physical condition, loves music, loves to go out and have fun, politics that lean from the center to the left. Someone who can take my moods and can understand that I sometimes need alone time.

I know he's out there. Just for research purposes I went on match.com and put in just the age group and location and I got about 20 pages with 10-12 pictures on it. I'm scared to death of the online thing - and it's all about rejection. For all my loudness and big personality putting myself out there is terrifying.

I guess the place the most people meet is work. That is so not happening at my job. Maybe after I get my degree and start my new career I'll have better luck.

I will say this: I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life and I am terrified that's where I'm headed. I can only put on this happy face and pretend it doesn't bother me for so long.

So with all of that in mind I have a question: I will inevitably be asked to spend New Years Eve with married and/or coupled friends (and I love all of my friends I really do). Should I just suck it up and be the only single one there or should I just stay home and do school work.

Tell me what you think blogfriends - I trust your judgement.

Some music for my mood....

Presents

Got my first 40th birthday present in the mail today from my good friend Maria. She got me a beautiful Native American vase and Native American ornament. I love them both (the thank you note is in the mail!). We've been to New Mexico together and she knows I love Native American things.


I'm starting to get excited for my birthday but am having one small issue.

People keep saying "so what are we doing for birthday"?? How do I get it through their heads I don't want to plan it!

It's my birthday - I want someone else to do the planning for once. I want to be surprised and most of all I want to be taken care of.

I was chatting with a blog friend last night and gave him the advice that he needed to find someone to take care of him instead of always taking care of other people. That's what I feel like now. My job - my 2nd job and my tiny little personal life all seem to circle around taking care of people. I'm only asking for one night or maybe the weekend - I don't think it's too much to ask.

Do you? Am I being silly? Please tell me if you think I am.

Thesis Meeting & Answers

First of all meeting went well. I have the first two chapters of my thesis done. This is the Intro and the History of the VA. Now I get into explanation of current disability/benefit structure, the "big" problems, Current VA experiences (with interviews with soldiers), what is being done and my conclusion. I feel like I'm finally on a bit of a roll.

So anyway last week I said that I'd answer any questions people wanted to know. I got a few so here we go.

Are you divorced?
Not divorced (never married)

Do you have kids?
I don't want to have my own kids but I'm not opposed to step-mommyhood

Who's is the love of your life?
Jesus - I can't answer that what if he reads this?

What makes you tick?
Passion and humor - two very important things

What do you live for?
I live to make a difference - not to sound all left wingy on you but knowing I've helped people out and made a difference in their life makes my day. I don't want anything for it - I just like knowing it.

What is the meaning of your life?
I really believe I'm here to help...hence the career with Veterans

What is the most important 5 things in your life?
1. My family (all of them even the pain in the asses)
2. My friends
3. My boys (2 handicapped boys I take care of)
4. Being able to paint on a regular basis
5. My schoolwork

My GOD is my life boring or what?


What would you die for?
I would die for my family and my boys


Do you believe in God?
Yes


Which God?
It depends - sometimes when I'm out in the woods and I'm just listening I swear I can hear the Great Spirit out there with me. When I'm at a funeral my faith in Jesus (from my Catholic upbringing) comes screaming out. I talk to God every night - I don't usually think about what shape he or she is in.

How old do you want to be when you die?
Young enough to have all my faculties and old enough to have made a difference


How do you want to die?
Quietly and peacefully surrounded by people who love me, just like my grandmother.

How do you feel about turning 40?
I am ALL GOOD with turning 40, I really am. I feel like my life is finally on track. I look good, feel good and will be a certified college graduate in 4 months. It's all good to me.

When are we getting married?
Sorry sweetie - I can't make any commitments until I'm done with my Master's Degree. That's another two years away. Don't wait for me...find "her" and be happy.


18 days BABY

Just Some Questions

Here are some random things from my brain:

What happened to Jacob Dylan and The Wallflowers? They came out with a kick ass first record...and then nothing.

Can you fucking believe that Tom Petty was 57 on Saturday?

Does anyone else think that it is ironic that Rosanne Barr is chastising Britney Spears on her mother skills?

Does anyone really want to hear the Spice Girls song? Apparently yes - the tickets for their reunion show sold out in something like 31 seconds....unbelievable.

I have two Panera Bread cafe's within one mile of me. Why can't I get decent fucking service at either of them? They have this asinine system where the person who takes your order - then goes and fills it. So you are left standing there - usually with a huge line behind you while they meander over to get your lemon-aid or bagel. Thankfully they leave the big orders for the "kitchen" thing they have going on. Every time I go there I want to grab the manager and scream at them "don't you see how fucking inefficient this is"? But I don't. And the best was today - I was in there getting scone and the woman who was getting my lemon aid was busy talking to the girl at the register about how the great comment that got mailed in about her was put up at some company meeting. This is while she is supposed to be getting me my drink and she hands it to me while she is still talking to her and never looks at me. The kicker is this woman was well over 50 so I can't even blame it on "those damn kids". She won't be getting any fucking great comment from me. Bitch.

Is anyone else disgusted that we spent 40 million on the Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky investigations but only spent 15 million on the 9/11 Commission? Good to know we have our priorities right.

This is an excellent breakdown of the World Series.

Is new TV as bad as it really seems? Literally the only show I watch now is Bones on Tuesday nights. That's a great show.

I've decided that when you get labeled a bad driver they actually make you move Rhode Island. Does anyone in that fucking state know how to drive?

Somehow this doesn't make me feel any better. Is there anyway to fast forward time?

Does anyone really care that Dumbledor is gay? Did it matter in any of the stories?

Is it wrong that I agree with ADW that using your femine "wiles' (In my case cleavage) to get things from men (and sometimes women)? No I didn't think it was wrong either.

This is one of my most favorite blogs. I read it everyday. It's an honest day to day view of what a life is like with a child who is autistic.

OK kids - that's all I got tonight. Be good.

The Party's Over

When I went back to school 18 months ago I was having a hard time juggling my job and the load of work. My job is pretty stressful. I'm a single HR person who supports 96-100 people at a manufacturing plant. This means everything from payroll to benefits to employee issues. To add a little spice to it 60 of those guys are Teamsters so that makes it just a little tougher especially around contract time (which is next year). So needless to say I'm pretty busy most days. So, when I started to realized I couldn't do both I started looking around and was going to piece together a couple of part time jobs, bite the bullet and pay for COBRA (health insurance) in order to give myself more study time. At that time I really didn't want to leave my job I had a great boss (the CFO) and we worked really well together. I hadn't had that much fun at a job in a long time. But my degree was important so I thought I needed to do it. He however thought differently an came up with a brilliant idea of us getting a payroll person and me working three days a week. Well we couldn't find a payroll person but I went down to three days. In the meantime our company was up for sale so the amount of work coming through my little one person HR Dept was pretty significant - so I went up to 4 days. I was working Mon-Thurs and getting paid for 4.5 days because on Friday's I would take phone calls and check my email. It's been a great year and half with this schedule. When the school workload wasn't too over the top I would meet friends for lunch - head out of town or just relax. Sometimes I even did some school work.

Well, yesterday I sat down with the President of our company who is my interm boss (my CFO left in January before the sale was over) and told him that I thought it was time I came back 5 days. There are a lot of little things that are slipping through the cracks. This is my last semester of school and I've got the workload thing pretty figured out (I hope). Luckily they are very flexible with me and let me take the time I need. So if I need a day here and there I know its not a big deal.

It was fun while it lasted!