Most of us have that person. You know the one. They are the ideal to which we measure all current and future relationships. Unfortunately if we are still measuring against this person there is a good chance that no one is ever going to match up. I have that person - and we are friends but that's another whole other post.
The point is I tend to see him quite a bit during this time of year and it stirs up all kinds of shit for me.
I'm 40 and single and frankly it sucks. Especially around this time of year. Everywhere you go people are coupled up. All of your married or dating friends are super busy with family stuff- which is completely understandable. This is also the time of year that people give you that look that is somewhere between understanding and pity which is usually followed with "oh don't you worry, you'll find someone". Yeah I know...I've been trying to tell myself that now for quite a few years. The real question is WHEN?
I'm amazed by the number of people who seem envious of my single status. These are usually people who are married. I always wonder if they are as unhappy as they seem or is it just an act. If it's not then I seem to know an unusually large number of unhappily married people. I wonder if that's normal.
OK here's what I want (if you don't ask you don't get): Guy 38-48, great sense of humor, gainfully employed, dark hair, dark eyes, decent physical condition, loves music, loves to go out and have fun, politics that lean from the center to the left. Someone who can take my moods and can understand that I sometimes need alone time.
I know he's out there. Just for research purposes I went on match.com and put in just the age group and location and I got about 20 pages with 10-12 pictures on it. I'm scared to death of the online thing - and it's all about rejection. For all my loudness and big personality putting myself out there is terrifying.
I guess the place the most people meet is work. That is so not happening at my job. Maybe after I get my degree and start my new career I'll have better luck.
I will say this: I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life and I am terrified that's where I'm headed. I can only put on this happy face and pretend it doesn't bother me for so long.
So with all of that in mind I have a question: I will inevitably be asked to spend New Years Eve with married and/or coupled friends (and I love all of my friends I really do). Should I just suck it up and be the only single one there or should I just stay home and do school work.
Tell me what you think blogfriends - I trust your judgement.
Some music for my mood....
12 comments:
Did the internet dating thing many moons ago...if nothing else it's good for a few stories and laughs with your girlfriends. Give it a try, it's kind of fun.
As for new years, I vote for popcorn, chick flicks, and comfy pants!
Ive also done some internet dating. And yes you do get a few stories to tell!
But like Jenn said comfy pants and popcorn win! And as its christmas a bottle of something strong!
Jenn - popcorn, chick flicks and comfy pants sounds like a great night.
Casdok - I especially like your idea of something strong!
Happy Christmas guys!
I met Mr Daisy before the advent of the internet (Gawd!--sounding ancient again!), but I gotta say, if I had been as strict in my specifications as you are, I would never have met him. And this was when I was 30! My advice to you is to lighten up on your guidelines, and just pick a few attributes that you can't live without... like, his politics, intelligence, religion, taste in music? How important are those?
The age thing, employment, education, physicality, etc...why is that so crucial? (but those are MY values... if physicality IS that important to you, then you might want to let the politics go, is my point...)
Mr Daisy is younger than I am, and when we met, was a graduate student with no job. (For my part, I had a three-year-old child, which HE had never particularly counted on with a prospective partner either.) I had been divorced twice already, which wasn't cool with his family. Etc.
At the time, me and Mr Daisy seemed to think very differently about a lot of things. (We argued about the USSR, which still existed.) But after 20 years? Not so much. ;)
I decided certain things were crucial in a partner, and I let the rest go. I am so glad I did, because I would never have met him. Consider distilling your guidelines down to the barest, most crucial 'MUSTS'--you might be surprised, and find out some of those things ain't all that important, but we have been taught that they are. We have a certain self-image, and to sustain that image, we think we must have a certain type of partner. But love transcends much of that; partnership is about becoming NEW PEOPLE TOGETHER.
Sorry for the Christmas sermon. But it was all inspired by your Cranberries video! (loved it) I admit: I can't stand it when people are alone/single at Christmas and don't wanna be. One of my co-workers is also, and I have seen his recent sadness too. :(
I know I wouldn't like it, either.
Love ya, and thinking of you on the holidays. (((kisses and hugs)))
Daisy
You're right. I didn't mean the list to sound so restricting - I really am pretty open about the attributes, religion, politics etc. The two things that are important seriously are sense of humor and intelligence. And when I say intelligence I don't mean Einstein - I just mean good conversationalist who reads the newspaper. Even if we disagree a good conversation is a great thing.
Thanks for your thoughts - I really do appreciate it!
xoxo
Jenn
Happy Christmas Jenn
I know where you are coming from on the single aspect of Christmas as I will spend it that way as well and it really does suck.
I have tried the Internet dating thing as well and was very disappointed the 5 or 6 times I met somebody.
As for the party ... I would ask the host/hostess if they could invite a couple of single guys, if they haven't already and go to the party. Personally, I would feel a tad uncomfortable if I was the only single there (hence the request to invite other singles).
Be well Jenn
Merry Christmas Jen, and thanks for the video, has been a long time since I heard that song.
I have a few friends that are 35 and still single, and they too get bummed around this time, it is a given, and I am sure it sucks.
I would also ask if there will be any single people at the party, hell, I would still probably go. I think I would rather be out somewhere, than sitting home feeling sorry for myself. But that is just me, I seem to always find someone to talk to , even if I don't know anybody.
Either way, I hope you have a good new year!
Also: I had to go download Burn the other day after you posted the video!
I think...I have no advice. I did the online dating thing and met someone really nice but we broke up. So it's not exactly a success or failure story.
I suck at putting myself out there and I'd never push anyone else to do it. We can be alone together!
I feel you on being single, especially during the holidays. I am currently checking out the online dating scene, and have on and off for a few years. Other than a 6 month relationship, nothing has panned out. Like the other folks said, it does make for great stories.
As for NYE, I hate being the single person at the party, but all my friends are attached, so I am the odd woman out, so I feel you there too! Maybe you could ask your friend to invite some more singles. But then, staying home with popcorn, comfy pants and chick flicks is a great option too! Whatever you choose, have an awesome and safe holiday.
George - Thank you. I know you can relate to this, in fact I was thinking of you when I was writing it. I hope your Christmas was good.
Slinger-I am glad I am affecting what you download! If these people knew single friends besides me they would invite them. They are good that way. although the last time one of these people tried to set me up it was a disaster. But at least she tried.
Ex- Thank you! Single together, that works. I think your internet dating story was a success. At least you had a good 6 months right?
Geekgirl - First of all thanks for stopping by my blog. I love getting new readers! I'm still torn between going out and the comfy pants. I have a few days left to decide. Thanks for weighing in on the subject matter!
Jenn! You can come out with me! We can be single together! Not sure where I'm going yet, but you can come :)
Dawn
I feel like I'm reading my autobiograpy GIRL! You know as much as I do we can't "make" the right one come along so... I wish I could tell ya what to do. I'm just the opposite, the shy, quiet retiring type. I've spent every New Years alone for the last 15 years and cried everytime the ball came down.
I have found some enlightenment in Mrs. Daisy's comment too...
I'm going to be making a list of things to be thankful for at the end of 2007, friends, family, a job, an ok car, and looking at what really matters in it all...(basically doing some good ol fashioned coming back to center)
If you can, head out with Dawn and have some fun, if not then join the rest of the journaling, chick flick, Champagne popcorn brigade...and bring a box of tissues :0)
Big hugs to you!
SO GLAD I MET YOU IN 2007 GIRL! You're one awsome chick!
Jennifer
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